This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
