I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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