my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
