We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
