Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
