The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
