8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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