i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
