im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
