Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
