whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
