Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
