i permit you to call me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
