if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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