dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
