I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
