will power is for people who don't want to get laid
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
