You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
two words: eviction party
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
