He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
