I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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