Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
