They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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