He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
