Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
