Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
