having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
