Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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