He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
