I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
