i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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