Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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