ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
