I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
