You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
