you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
