I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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