You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
