Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
