i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
