i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
