the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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