id be glad to
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
