He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
