As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize