Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think my vagina is haunted
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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