mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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