You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
