So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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