Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
