Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
