I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
