Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up under a house in Key West
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